A Year in Words

As the old quote goes, “it’s hard to believe it’s been a year already.” But alas, the year of 2011 is about to give way to 2012. What can be said about 2011…oh, 2011 you started out as a bitchy whore then slowly, and I mean slowly, you blossomed into an elegant escort worth spending money on.

Reflecting on the past year brings tears to my eyes, the sad kind and the good kind. Trouble seemed to have followed me in every part of my life in 2011 with friends, family, loves, myself…it seemed as though my little bubble of a world had met the apocalypse early. I had hit my lowest of lows, having feelings and thoughts I had long forgotten about. Depression, despair, self-loathing seemed to be my only comforting companions. I was about to settle for things in my life that didn’t make me happy, but would simply be a temporary fix to my problems. This idea seemed stupid. On a chance encounter, just when I convinced myself that my life was going to continue to be a mess, someone entered my life that would alter the outcome of my very existence. Suddenly all the mess that I had encountered over the previous months seemed to subside, and some of it even began to make sense.  It took a friend, a companion, a conspirator to make me see that all the crap that I had been through was just leading me to this moment.

Alas my ramblings have a point and will come to an end…I promise. I guess what I’m getting at is that life is crappy more so then not, and sometimes when you are just about to give-up, you get that extra boost. Call it inspiration, knowledge, or even love. So to those of you who doubt yourself and yourself being, and think that the world is crumbling and you are going insane, look to good friends and give people a chance, you’ll be surprised at what you find.

May all have a wonderful and memorable New Year’s….assuming we don’t all parish in the Apocalypse.

Chicago Music Store Tile Restoration Project

This past weekend I spent three days volunteering for the Tucson Historical Preservation Foundation (http://www.tucsonhistoricpreservationfoundation.org ) The project was to restore the original tile at the Chicago Music Store on Congress St. Over the weekend we striped, cleaned, and re-grouted the classic yellow and black tiles, bring back to life the 1927 architectural details of the building back to Congress Street.

Chicago Music Store

The Chicago Music store was built in 1919 and has been owned by the current family since the mid 1940’s. I was invited to take a tour though the building, to include the mezzanine and basement. So much history is stored in this building. One of the greatest features was the original tin ceiling tiles…at least I thought they were awesome. The building itself has seen better days. Some additional support beams were introduced recently to keep the load from the roof stable, and about 7 years ago a truck crashed into the front of the building destroying the original tile work. Money and effort is minimal when it comes to preserving this building. The owners have received a matching grant for repairs, however matching the financial needs for this building is a daunting task.  

Original Tin Ceiling Tiles

Over the weekend we were approached by several people within the community and there was a great appreciation for what we were doing. The community had a great response to the newly exposed tiles. Unfortunately I forgot my camera on the last day so I have no photos (yet) of the final project. I will suggest that you take a walk downtown and see the amazing difference it has on the corner of Congress and 6^th. The yellow and black tiles just light-up that street corner and bring a smile to my face. 

Corner Column/ Down to the third layer of paint

While volunteering I was put in charge of restoring the original fire bell which can be found on west side of the building….it’s a beautiful candy apple red! Also, while on the scissor lift next to the Gus Taylor building (not sure if that’s the proper name for it) we discovered that the façade on that building was black glass tiles!!! After some minimal convincing I was allowed to expose one of the tiles. In doing so, I noticed that the sign above the door was made of the same material but was etched with Gus Taylor. Once again…minimal convincing, we were able to get approval from the owner to restore the sign! It’s an amazing sign that was covered with the same nasty red paint as the tiles. Congress is going to kick some downtown ass! Go check it out! 

Friends don't let friends paint tile

The Match Game: Random Thoughts

The Match Game

1:0

ByroBikeMAN76 – 32yrs,Male,  or LikestoParty086, - 24yr, Female, or my favorite…420Guythatliveswithmom -36 male. These are the typical calling cards of the singles in America today. I can only speculate and philosophize as to why men or women choose such “names” for themselves, but this isn’t the purpose of this essay. The purpose of this essay is to explore the commonality that is found with such sites as match.com, and that commonality is one of rebound. Now don’t lie to yourself, we’ve all done it. We’ve rebounding with a random person at a bar, an old flame, or a new companion found online.

I myself started dating off of match.com back in 2004. Within the first month I found a man, a man that I would spend six years of my life with. In the past 7.5 years I feel in love twice with men I met on Match. My first experience was remarkable but in the end we ended up wanting different things. So, of course as in many ended relationships you move on and that’s just what I did. I decided that just 6 months after my very long relationship, a domestic partnership if you will, that it was time to move on. And luckily for me, I was emotionally ready.

Now we come to the Match game. During my adventures dating from September 2010 to Dec 2010 I went on dates with 7 men. Obviously, some of these men I had more relations with then others. Most were one-daters, one was a two month relationship, and the last was a seven month relationship.  Out of these relationships 57% (that I personally know of) were on the rebound, thus, not facing their inner demons.  I won’t get into the specifics of these relationships because there really is no point in that, but what I will say is that I am personally offended by these people’s actions. I can honestly confess that I am a hopeless romantic. I enjoy being in love, falling in love, being stupid over each other, honestly being adored and having someone to adore. So I entered this dating scene with hopes of finding someone that was emotionally available, but in the end I only had my heart broken. So this is what I have to say to the men and women on Match… get your shit together before letting someone enter your fucked-up mess. The reason I say this is because some of us, the few honest who can and have moved on are looking for love. A true love. Not to be used and discarded because you magically couldn’t face your problems.

I will openly admit that I recently got out of a relationship with one of these people. One that I honestly let into my heart, one that I believed cared from me, one that I loved.  The actions of this person made it so I could honestly say I hate them. Knowing this about myself and that under no circumstance am I ever going to look back, I decided to move on, I may have jumped the boat prematurely here as I joined Match again. It’s only been a week since I’ve joined but I’m questioning myself. I enjoy talking to these new people, I find other people’s lives fascinating, but I am full of tribulation because I feel that I cannot really trust these online men. 

2:0

Since I wrote the above I’ve been on Match.com for two months now. I decided that expectations were silly in such a vulnerable dating medium. I’ve temporarily put the Hopeless Romantic into the closet so I could focus on what was truly in front of me. These experiences have been quite different from last years, perhaps this has to due to with the fact that I’ve been attracting a different type of man, or maybe it’s me having the ability to sort through these people better. I mean, after awhile of reading profiles you can pick-up on little nuances that send the red-flag a flying! These new men appear to not be on the rebound (with the exception of one) however they appear to be timid when it comes to the idea of a “relationship”…not that I’m ready myself for that. Perhaps I’m projecting my emotional disorder(s) on the situation as I’m sure I’m not exhibiting “courtship displays” or proper “body signals”.  In any case, I decided that the most important aspect of a relationship is a friend.  In hindsight, I know that the dick face I dated last I would have never dated if I had gotten to know him better first, only lust fueled that relationship and it’s time for something more.

This time around I’ve only met five people. Mostly creative type which is nice, it has actually fuel my creativity with photography.  In this process the “hopeless romantic” returned temporarily as I thought about how cool it would be to actually be in a relationship with a creative person. Yes, someone to collaborate with. I would want “us” to be the next Charles and Ray Eames, Diego and Frida, The Vogals, Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe,… ok maybe not Patti and Robert but you get the idea.  Ultimately, what I’m getting at is mutual support, admiration, dedication, love. However, these essential ideas need to be found in any type of relationship for it to be successful.  Defining successful is hard as it’s not just about marriage, it’s the commitment to one another. Uh oh, time to pack away these ideas of the hopeless romantic...if I keep going this is going to turn into a Sandra Bullock movie. Gross.

I could take this further and go into detail about each of the people I’ve met, give you the dirt and the unforgettable stories I have in my brain. That was my original intent with this second part of the essay, I’m sure that I could have sold the stories as a screenplay. However, there is no need for that.

My subscription has ended and I have no plans of rejoining anytime soon. I’ve met some interesting people this time around. Some I would like to get to know better than others and some I think I will be great friends with.  I feel, actually I know, I’m being very passive with these people. Passive about the whole situation I guess. This probably isn’t the best approach to meeting people that are potentially looking for a relationship but I’m sure when I meet “that” person, you know, the one that makes your heart sing, makes you turn red, gives you the proverbial butterflies, perhaps then my cynical voice-in-head will be silenced. Or maybe I’m just destined to be a spinster… If that’s the case, then bring on the Gin & Tonics!

Match Game: Emails

As many of you know I’ve been on  the online dating scene for sometime now. Over the past 10yrs I have been an on-again off-again internet dater. At first I had expectations but they seem to have lessened over the years. I’ve had good and bad experience with this new-fangled technology. Now that I am older and wiser, I don’t take this too seriously. I’ve come to enjoy meeting new people as most are very interesting in their own ways. I will say, that out of all of the emails/connections I make, I maybe only reply to about 10% because most emails contain stupid nonsense, like the following…

“Hello. How are you? So are you still on the market and looking?”

(Would I be on an online dating service if I wasn't?)

“Hello how are you 2night?”

(Really? Is spelling "tonight" really that hard. 2 is not a word)

“Just wanted to say,............ you're a catch.”

(I can't even comprehend what to say to this...um, thanks?)

“I saw your profile (confession: I've seen it more than once, but gin and I were hanging out and he convinced me to write you) and I wanted to thank you for putting some double 0 buckshot into the "Painter of Light" or his works at least. I don't know you, but if you wanted to go a bit further I would help hide the body. Who knows hi-jinx my even ensue? 
So I wanted to say hi and see if you were interested in striking up a conversation.”
 (WTF?I have no idea what this is about. Wait...you're drunk emailing me? Classy!)

“damn youre fine! i wish i was your man... ;)”
(hummm....you wish you were my man and this is the best you could come up with?)

” Lol”
(WTF? I must have missed the joke)

“you are a godess, You are so awsome your everything iam looking for in a women I would worship you”

(This one could be a potential stalker)

 

As you see, these go from bad to worse. Now I’m not grammatically perfect by any means, but I think when you are making your first impression on someone it’s probably not a bad idea to spell-check your shit, or use proper grammar, maybe forgo smiley faces, and lastly don’t write like you’re texting me.

To say the least, NO I did not respond to these people, I mean come on what they hell am I suppose to say. A word of advice to the men and women of the online dating scene…please compose yourself in the proper manner, and know that composing a thoughtful email with more than one sentence is much more appealing to the opposite sex.

Lastly, capitalize your “I”…this is proper not “i” because that just makes you look like a moron.

 

 
Just in case you are wondering, yes, I've been writing many stories about my experiences with Match...more to come!

Pt.3 To Flagstaff and Beyond (The End)

Saturday:

I magically wake-up at 5:30am…ugh, seriously? 5:30am Why?...I can’t tell you, I just did. The camp was quite as most people were “sleeping-in” till 7 and 8 o’clock like normal people. I quietly pack up my belongings and head to the White House Ruins Trail Head. It appears that I was the only person there…of course that makes sense because everyone else was asleep. I’m standing on the rim of the canyon looking down the 600’ deep walls. I’m facing east and the canyon appears to go on forever. I feel a storm in the air. The clouds are rolling in from the east, they start out pretty sporadic but but behind them is a large solid black cloud. The sun is making its best efforts to penetrate through the clouds. It wins sometimes. I begin my decent at 6am. It’s cool and overcast, the air is fresh and I packed my breakfast to enjoy by the ruins.  The clouds part here and there allowing the morning light to magnify the orange sandstone, but this is only momentary as the clouds are soon to return. It doesn’t take me long to enter the base of the canyon. I’m greeted by flowers, trees, and cows.

6:00am

I make my way across a small ravine, as I begin to head towards the ruins I see them. The Navajo peoples (mostly women this time) are setting up their booths for the day. Ahhhhh!!! I say to myself. Why???? This is frustrating and only detracts from the special moment I was having with myself and with nature.  I hurriedly make my way past them but still offer them a friendly “good morning”. These sellers were much less annoying then those found on the rim, but ethically, I couldn’t buy anything from them. Right beyond them is the ruin. It’s quite pretty indeed, but is secured by a 6 ft fence, which of course detracts from the surrounds. I’m happy to be here. I sit on a tree trunk and break out my breakfast. The women are laughing and speaking their native tongue which echoes of the canyon wall. Surprisingly, it was pretty magical because I can only imagine for how many centuries conversations have been held in this canyon…if only walls could talk, right?

White House Ruins 

I was back on the road by 8:00am, I really didn’t have a particular destination, but I stopped at the Petrified Forest NP. As suspected, it was beautiful. I leave it to the pictures. I will say that there were many French tourists there which for some reason surprised me.

Crystal Forest

As I left I decided to head down 77 to Show Low. I drove through Snowflake which reminded me of the Stepford Wives…it was a creepy little town. Show Low was amazing, and in a way, reminded me of Lake Tahoe. It began to rain as I entered Show Low and the smell of wet pine made me want to move out of Tucson that day. I continued down hwy 60, which was my first time, it was beautiful. I didn’t know that Arizona could be that nice. How the terrain changed before my eyes is just amazing. The drive took me all they back to the valley…ugh…the hot, hot, valley.

Somewhere on hwy 60

Final Thoughts:

“So why did you take this trip?” (a common question), which is then followed by, “Did you get what you were seeking?”

I took this trip because I felt like my brain, my heart, and my soul was going to explode. I hoped to find some enlightenment, some compassion, and some peace within myself. My summer has been trying to say the least; I have had heart heavy issues with regards to my family, education, and relationships. I was so happy for 2011 to arrive because 2010 was so bad. However, I think 2011 has taken the cake.

 I’ve had to deal with losing my focus/passion in something that I had sacrificed a great deal to get. I’ve been dealing with family members reaching death, and their mental state reverting back to an uncompassionate child. And lastly, I fell in love with someone, and it was all very unexpected and in the end my heart was broken.

“Did I get what I was seeking?”….

Not exactly. I feel restored, but some of these issues will take more than a week in the woods to combat. However, I can say that I’m down right tired of being in school. I want my pretty piece of paper, and I want the ability to move on and into new things and places.

My family….well, I just have to understand that their time on this earth is limited, and that in their mental condition that they don’t know any better. I’m trying not to let it get to me, and just go with the flow, and know that they just aren’t the same people anymore.

Relationships…I have moved on. I found my peace with the situation. Am I bitter? no. Am I hesitant about giving my heart away so easily in the future? yes.  But you know what... I realized that I love to get all crazy over someone; I want a big crazy love. I will have it someday but I’m not going to rush it.

Other realizations…If I’m going to continue to live in Arizona I’m moving to Flagstaff. I can’t express enough how much I miss pine trees (or trees in general that don’t poke you). Ideally though, I want to move. I want to move around a lot. I don’t want to settle down just yet. I realized that I am capable of doing things on my own. I’ve never had a problem being alone, but in the past, I didn’t find much enjoyment in activities that were solo. I had a great time by myself. I think if anyone else was with me I wouldn’t have been able to focus quite as well.  I liked my alone time, I liked not having internet, I enjoyed having little to no cell service. Lastly, I’ve always enjoyed the outdoors but have made excuses as to why I wouldn’t take the time to explore them. This I am done with. I will explore, I will hike, I will drive, I will stomp my boots all over this damn place... Plans have already been made to enjoy the landscape. After all, I’m not going to be in Arizona for the rest of my life, so I might as well take advantage of it while I’m here. 

Thank you to my friends that have given me words of encouragement, and have taken the time to listen to my emotional turmoil. You know who you are and I love you all.

Pt.2 To Flagstaff and Beyond

Wupatki NM

Thursday:

Today is my last night in the yurt, my last night in Flagstaff. There are three National Monuments close to Flag. I decided to hit them all up in one day. My first stop was Sunset Crater. Lava flows, lava rocks, all very pretty, but my calve muscles felt like string cheese tearing apart whenever I walked so the idea of hiking through a lava bed just didn’t sound appealing. From there the road took me to Wupatki National Monument, here there were about five ruins, each characteristically their own but at the same time quite unified.  I managed to visit all of the ruins. The larger complex, the Wupatiki Pueblo, had two ancient ball courts. I decided to set the self timer on my camera and entered the ball court for a ridiculous stupid faced photo. I stood there like an ass and realized that the camera didn’t capture my stupidness. I began to approach my camera which was located at the only entrance/exit to the ball court, and under the step, tightly wound was a rattle snake…well, it was a snake, I didn’t approach it to find out exactly what type…but who really cares. What do I do now? I assess my situation and realize that my only option is to climb the five foot stone wall. Ah the escape plan has manifested in my brain! I run over and try my foot hold on the wall, of course, the stone isn’t protruded enough for my feet to grab. My second attempt was successful  and I was able to push myself out of the “snake pit”. I was a little frazzled but I handled it like a pro!

Sunset Crater NM

My final journey was to Walnut Canyon National Monument, I had to descend 200+ steps to some mediocre cliff dwellings, I thought my knee was going to give out on the way down.

Around 3:30pm I made it back to the yurt. I had decided to further my adventure to Canyon de Chelly the following day. I packed up the non-essentials, made chili and tamales on the grill, and retired myself to the yurt. Old neighbors gone, new neighbors emerge, but today I didn’t feel like being social. The clouds began to darken and the smell of rain filled the air. I lit the wood burning stove and watched the flames dance. A warmness filled the yurt as the sound of thunder rang the sky. Alarm set for 6:30am.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Friday:

6:30am, it’s cold outside and damp due to last night’s rain. I changed and packed the rest of my belongings into the car. I hit the road by 7am. Flagstaff is busy in the morning with kids off to school, and people off to work. I waved goodbye to the Kachina Peaks and headed east. I have a four hour drive ahead of me. I’m on hwy 40/66 so of course there are many roadside anomalies, I had to hold back the temptation to stop at the concrete teepees and hideous dinosaurs, I’ll hit them up on my way back. I’m in a hurry to get to Canyon de Chelly. Finally my exit approaches and I head north on 180. I’ve entered the Navajo Nation. I suddenly feel like a tourist. I drive past two teenagers pumping water from a well…the things we take for granted. I drive this long road and enter the Painted Desert. Reds, oranges, browns all stratified across the valley. How fortunate I feel to be seeing this.

I enter Chinel, Az. a reservation town that seems to be doing well due to all the tourists. However, it still feels like a third-world country. I can’t help but feel like I’m being judged.

I enter the park and am ecstatic to find that everything is free! I went to the visitors center and purchased a new sticker for my car. I proceeded to the campground to find it about 20 percent full. Awesome! There’s even a real bathroom, with real running water! No showers though, damn it. Oh well, I washed my face and hair in the sink and that gives me a much needed refresher.

I set-up camp, which doesn’t take long, and I ready my car for a sleep over. I have some time to kill so I head to the north rim of the canyon. There are two view points from on the north from which you can see some ruins. As I approach the entrance to the cliffs I’m accosted by natives trying to sell me jewelry and pottery. I kindly refuse and make my way to the Antelope House overlook. It’s breathtaking. Almost as awe-inspiring as the Grand Canyon. Rich in deep red colors, and inhabitants still farming the fertile soil below.

I look at the map obtained at the visitor’s center and see that all access to the canyon is merely visible through these outlooks. Only one trail exists for the public to hike, the rest you have to hire a Navajo guide. I feel a little jiped, and a little bored.

I flee to the next outlook just to be accosted again. No thanks I say as my frustration grows. I fear the salesmen so I retreat to my camp. When I get there I find I have a visitor. Her name is Molly, or at least that’s what I called her. She’s a mangy reservation dog looking for a hand-out. Of course, I’m a sucker so I feed her a tamale and a hot dog as I prepare myself a tuna sandwich. She’s good company and hangout with me. She goes to check-out newcomers, then returns for some friendly conversation. She’s a good listener, and I wanted to take her home with me.

"Molly"

As the day continues I get a non-four legged visitor. His name is Gilbert he’s a local that teaches painting classes, he's a traveling artist that visits many landscapes. He comes over to talk about the weather. I can tell he’s thirsty for some conversation. Molly has left, so I decide to go ahead and talk. I was making diner so I offered him some, he accepted. He told me stories of Puerto Rico and Massachusetts where he visits to pain. Also he suggests that I visit monument valley. After about an hour the park ranger comes by the let us know that they will be giving a talk about the canyon…yes! an excuse to finish this conversation. I politely indicate that I’m going to get ready to go, and he retreats to his car to finish reading his newspaper.

This place is a little weird so I’ve decided to only spend the night. I’ll awake in the morning and go the short 2 mile hike to the bottom of the canyon, then head off towards Globe. Not sure were I’m staying, let alone going, but that’s the purpose of this trip. 

More Photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mandia_g/

Pt. 1 To Flagstaff and Beyond

Tuesday:

I left my parents house in Casa Grande at 9am, it was already a hot 94 degrees.  I made it to Phoenix in an hour and by then it was an even 100. Ugh, I couldn’t drive fast enough to get up to the mountains. I was feeling a little “weird” so no one artist on my iphone seemed to do it for me. I started with…

Le Sera (a little to down)
AC/DC –Dirty deeds (friggen rocked it through PHX)
Foo Fighters (eh, it was alright)
Golden Boots (Now here’s the stuff!)

I was about 40 miles from Flagstaff when I saw my thermometer drop. I rolled down the windows and let the air filter past my ears as my arm tingled in the sunlight. Huge puffy clouds dotted the sky. As I approached Flagstaff I could see the Kachina Peaks ever so daunting. I entered Flag doubting my abilities to reach the summit, but yet excited to try.

I-17 North. San Francisco Peak straight ahead!

I hopped on 180 North to the Nordic Center. It leads me up and out of Flag as I could feel gravities effects on my car. I ascended to a forest of pines and aspen. I pulled down a dirt road where I had to exit the car and open the fence. As I entered I could feel the smile form across my face as happiness filled my heart. For a moment I imagined him with me, how he would have loved this. To keep the tears at bay, I hurriedly unpacked the car and reached for some snacks as I hadn’t eaten all day.

I stood outside my yurt and took a deep breath in, this is what I had come for. The distant trees called, so I answered them. Grabbing a bottle of water, changing my shoes, I headed out to a sea of green. Two hours later I returned to find the camp had another occupant. She offers some friendly chatter and invites me to diner, I accept partially out of obligation. A strange and awkward woman she turns out to be, but then again, who am I to judge. She too, a lone woman who had a significant change in life, age, and is looking for something.

Yurt living

what I wondered into

Diner ends and I politely escape. Thunder pounds the sky. I choose to accept this and pour myself a cheap cup of wine. I sit in my chair, feet up, book in hand and begin to read. My brain isn’t having it, I begin to flip the pages to pictures and the map in the back. Another car approaches and so does my awkward friend. Now I find myself surrounded while busy chatter occurs. I make haste and busy myself with packing my backpack for the following days hike. This gesture signals the group to disperse. I retire to my yurt for now looking for solitude.

Tomorrow is a new day.  

__________________________________________________

Wednesday:

Alarm 6:30am. Snooze. 6:40am. Turn off. Alarm 7:00am. Snooze. 7: 10am finally make it out of bed.

Once again I’m not very hungry. I really haven’t eaten much over the past week, but I know I need to eat something so I start packing snacks into my backpack just to discover that my water bladder sprung a leak. So say the least, my pack is soaked, my jacket, first-aid kit, gloves,…everything (Fuck!) Ok, I unload everything and dump the water out of my pack, refill the bladder and make sure the lid is on tight, and make my way to the trailhead. I drive up the Snowbowl pass to an elevation of 9000’. I exit the car filled with excitement, yet pessimistic as to if I can make it.

I begin my arduous climb through a field of wildflowers. I walk closer to the tree line and then enter.  The trees tower over me, and there is an eerie stillness among them. I continue deeper and deeper, higher and higher, switchback after switchback brings me closer to my goal. My breath shortens, my pulse I feel throbbing in my hand, my legs start to trimmer beneath me.  The altitude has taken hold of my body and there is nothing I can do about it.

I'm guessing this is at about 10000/10500 ft

I stop frequently to keep my body at rest, to cool down, to catch my breath. Water nor food tastes good, only the hard cold stone upon which I sit brings me pleasure. I push myself with lies of “only one more mile”. Finally the brick wall appears at about 11,000’, it’s menacing. I only have a third to go (at least that’s what I told myself). Trekking pole in ground, legs in motion, I have to do this.  Every step makes my legs scream. The air is thin and the terrain starts to change and I know I’m getting closer. I round a corner, then another. I look back, I see what I’ve accomplished so far, and this inspires me.  I continue. After about 3 hours I reach the saddle of the mountain at 11,750’. I look and all around me is a wondrous landscape.  I come to a sign “Humphrey Trail - >” another 900’ to climb to reach the top of Arizona. I inhale it all, and I know that this here, this moment sitting on the saddle, this is where I end. I’m fine with that, actually, I’m more then fine, am ecstatic. I sit on this mountain hoping for some enlightenment, instead I enjoyed a peanut butter sandwich.

this is were I got my extra kick in the pants

That's the San Francisco Peak...next time. 

Sitting on the saddle facing southwest. There's a forest fire in the distance.

To Find Inspiration

"Never let go of that fiery sadness called desire." -Patti Smith


Sometimes you need a to find inspiration in your life. This quote means a lot to me. Desire.... to long or hope for : exhibit or feel desire for:  to express a wish for.


We all desire something or even someone throughout our lives, but desire is full of challenges, we need to embrace the happiness and the sadness that may come from our desires. Desire is intense, it pushes us and also makes us look stupid, but that's ok. Without desire we would loose motivation, our human spark. In those times of doubt, or even in those times I need a boost, I can look down and find inspiration.   


To make this even more meaningful to me, I opted not to use a pre-manufactured font, instead, this is in my own hand (that's why it's hard to read) 

Finding Truth in Self

Sometimes there is a need for reflection. I find myself having to put my life back together, in more ways than one. Summer wasn’t very kind to me this year, full of stresses that I don’t wish upon anyone.  To finish the summer a person I adored left me for reasons that still don’t quite make sense. I find myself in a lonesome state of heartache.  But with these trials come new adventures, I decided to spend some quality time with myself, to ponder my existence, my future, my immediate situation. I chose this over getting a tattoo…well; I probably will get that too. However in the mean time, it’s time for me to find myself again, to alight myself within the universe. To do this I’m spending a week in the Cochise National Forest, I found a lovely yurt with a wood burning stove. To say the least, I will be encompassed by nature which is what I’ve been missing in my life. Plus I get to live in fucking yurt…so excited!  I’m pretty sure I’ve packed more food then clothes, but I do have my priorities. While on my quest for self discovery, I’m going to attempt to hike the Humphrey Trail to the San Francisco Peak (12,633'), a 9 mile roundtrip hike to the highest point in Arizona. Of course, pictures will be posted so don’t worry. Hopefully standing on a mountain will give me a better view of life and how minuscule my problems really are. 
Wish me luck.

Just Kids

I just finished reading Just Kids by Patti Smith. What a wonderful book about two amazing artists. I was introduced to Patti Smith about 6 years ago. I found her voice amazing, her lyrics heart wrenching, and an amazing poet with an amazing life. She was the lover and friend of Robert Mapplethorpe. Both their works controversial. As a fan of black and white photography, and a fan of true rock-n-roll, I absolutely fell in love with this book. It inspires not only creativity, but makes you wonder if in this time of narcissism if a true connection to another human being is really achievable. Their love and admiration for one another tugged my heartstrings in a way that I cannot explain. For those of you who appreciate art of various mediums, I hope that you will find this book as inspiring as I did.

Patti Smith - By Robert Mapplethrope 1977

Muir Woods National Monument

Yesterday I went to Muir Woods National Monument with my mom. This is my third trip to the woods. It was crazy busy on Saturday, didn't quite think that one through, but it was still a fun and beautiful day.



This park is very much geared towards ecotourism. So many tourists, so many screaming kids, but what was funny is that as you continued down the path, past the 1 mile mark, the less people that were there. It started to fad out to the people that actually wanted to come and hike mount Tamalpais. There were many cool trails that took you to Stinson Beach, however, my mother isn't exactly the "walking' type, so hiking up a hill for about 3 miles wasn't so appealing to her.

Sequoia's 

The Metamorphism of the Roots 

The Ferns

Clovers covered with morning due

Carlsbad Caverns

On the way to the caverns we had to travel through West Texas. It was a warm dry day, the sun was intense, even more so then in Arizona. This road was desolate, only passing a few cars here and there. The clouds were amazing. It just makes you think about how different the regions in America can be. The landscape seemed endless, and the vastness of place could make you feel as though you were just a speck in a petri dish.  

Finally we made it Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico. I've been wanting to visit the caverns since I was a kid. Luckily I have an awesome partner that was just as eager as me  to go there. We entered the caves through the natural entrance that took us below the earth about 800ft. The descent was amazing, I believe we walked about a mile and half down a very steep descent till we reached the main room that was littered with stalactites and stalagmites, to say the least, it was amazing. Is was as if we had entered an extraterritorial world.  

The chill and dampness in the air created an atmosphere that was a little creepy, but at the same time it was a relief from the heat that was outside.  

 The day we left Carlsbad a storm system moved in. Thunder, lightning, and rain. It moved across New Mexico and Texas. This photo was on the plains across west Texas, although I'm sure that is New Mexico in the background. 

As we entered Carlsbad we had to pass through the Guadalupe National Park in Tx. This is Texas's highest point at over 8000 ft. David wants to climb it. It was beautiful peak and I wish we had time to explore it. 

New Vacation Plan

Well I had to use 3/4 of my vacation fund to pay-off my debt at school so that only left me about $500, which is a lot but at the same time is not. So in an effort to still get what I want, I'm devising a plan to take a week in Austin, TX and hit-up a music venue every night I'm there. I think it's a novel plan if I should say so myself. Since originally the plan was to take a month long road trip from Tucson, up through Colorado, to Chicago, New York, DC, back through Tennessee, with a final stop in Austin before heading home.

 

Here are some options while there:

6/5 Dillinger Four

6/6 Weezer

6/7 Little Scream

6/8 Noah and the Whale

6/9 The Gourds

6/10 Wayne "the train" Hancock

6/11 Matt & Kim / The Thermals / Autobots

6/12 Adele

6/13 Guy Clark

6/14 Widespread Panic

6/15 Hate Eternal

6/16 My Education

6/17 Two Tones of Steel

 

Now yes this is more than a week's worth, but I had to see which week I wanted to go.

I'm think of just camping in my car for the trip. I think it could be an amazing adventure. I don't know all of these bands so if you have any suggestions let me know. Frankly, I don't really care what type of music I just want to hear it live with good food, a cold drink, and a new friend.

 

Currently listening to Spoon: http://video.pbs.org/video/1609788516

 

The Start of a New

Dearest Blog,

How I have been neglecting you is horrible. I'm sorry.

So here we go…

I'm officially withdrawn from school. Papers signed, moneys returned, school stresses relieved. Now you might be asking yourself "why?" Well there are two reasons, two very strong and emotional reasons.
(1) Back in late February/March my grandfather was admitted to hospital. He suffers from respiratory problems and wasn't getting enough oxygen which was causing himself to be poisoned by the CO2 that wasn't escaping his blood stream. Luckily he pulled out of it, but is significantly diminished by the whole ordeal.
(2) I was doubting my potential profession. I love a lot of things about architecture, and how cool is it be asked what you do for a living and answer, "I'm an architect". But being able to say that requires a lot of sacrifices, time, passion, and commitment, being political, and of course wearing the most stylish clothes. Most of my peers dream of building these egotistical monuments to one's self, while a hand full of us actually care about what we are doing the world and the effects that "we" have on our community. However, the later is not as celebrated.

So here I was in my second semester of my third year in architecture school when I realized that this wasn't what I wanted to do. As a matter of fact, and this is kind of silly in hindsight, but on my third day of class I was working late in studio and I just broke down and cried. Now there are only a handful of people that have ever seen me cry, luckily I was by myself. My realization was sad for several reasons, but I won't go into that at this time.

With this time off I hope that I can discover more about myself and what I want to do with my life. I've been lost before and now I'm lost again and it sucks balls. I wish that my time away from school would give me more insight into myself, but for now, I feel out of control when it comes to school and having a plan. The only thing that I have realized is that we really have a limited time on this earth, and it's up to us to make the best out of it that we can. I can make a list of things I want to see and do, as I'm sure everyone has done at some point in their lives, but in the end most of those people never complete their bucket list. I'm sure it's a sad realization for people when they get to the end and realize that they never completed what they hoped to achieve. Now I'm sure that the hiccups in the road were all valuable to their lives, but I hope to find a way to have hiccups, travels, and aspirations all realized before I die. With this said, it makes me really search my soul for my calling. I will never know for sure what that is because I have a sneaky suspicion that life will interrupt or change that ideal that I have, but what I do know for sure is that I'm not going to put anything off and I'm going to take the opportunities that are placed in front of me, and I'm going to enjoy every bit of it.

Enough rambling for now. I hope to keep up this blog up with remarkable experiences, new places, and good friends.