The Match Game: Random Thoughts

The Match Game

1:0

ByroBikeMAN76 – 32yrs,Male,  or LikestoParty086, - 24yr, Female, or my favorite…420Guythatliveswithmom -36 male. These are the typical calling cards of the singles in America today. I can only speculate and philosophize as to why men or women choose such “names” for themselves, but this isn’t the purpose of this essay. The purpose of this essay is to explore the commonality that is found with such sites as match.com, and that commonality is one of rebound. Now don’t lie to yourself, we’ve all done it. We’ve rebounding with a random person at a bar, an old flame, or a new companion found online.

I myself started dating off of match.com back in 2004. Within the first month I found a man, a man that I would spend six years of my life with. In the past 7.5 years I feel in love twice with men I met on Match. My first experience was remarkable but in the end we ended up wanting different things. So, of course as in many ended relationships you move on and that’s just what I did. I decided that just 6 months after my very long relationship, a domestic partnership if you will, that it was time to move on. And luckily for me, I was emotionally ready.

Now we come to the Match game. During my adventures dating from September 2010 to Dec 2010 I went on dates with 7 men. Obviously, some of these men I had more relations with then others. Most were one-daters, one was a two month relationship, and the last was a seven month relationship.  Out of these relationships 57% (that I personally know of) were on the rebound, thus, not facing their inner demons.  I won’t get into the specifics of these relationships because there really is no point in that, but what I will say is that I am personally offended by these people’s actions. I can honestly confess that I am a hopeless romantic. I enjoy being in love, falling in love, being stupid over each other, honestly being adored and having someone to adore. So I entered this dating scene with hopes of finding someone that was emotionally available, but in the end I only had my heart broken. So this is what I have to say to the men and women on Match… get your shit together before letting someone enter your fucked-up mess. The reason I say this is because some of us, the few honest who can and have moved on are looking for love. A true love. Not to be used and discarded because you magically couldn’t face your problems.

I will openly admit that I recently got out of a relationship with one of these people. One that I honestly let into my heart, one that I believed cared from me, one that I loved.  The actions of this person made it so I could honestly say I hate them. Knowing this about myself and that under no circumstance am I ever going to look back, I decided to move on, I may have jumped the boat prematurely here as I joined Match again. It’s only been a week since I’ve joined but I’m questioning myself. I enjoy talking to these new people, I find other people’s lives fascinating, but I am full of tribulation because I feel that I cannot really trust these online men. 

2:0

Since I wrote the above I’ve been on Match.com for two months now. I decided that expectations were silly in such a vulnerable dating medium. I’ve temporarily put the Hopeless Romantic into the closet so I could focus on what was truly in front of me. These experiences have been quite different from last years, perhaps this has to due to with the fact that I’ve been attracting a different type of man, or maybe it’s me having the ability to sort through these people better. I mean, after awhile of reading profiles you can pick-up on little nuances that send the red-flag a flying! These new men appear to not be on the rebound (with the exception of one) however they appear to be timid when it comes to the idea of a “relationship”…not that I’m ready myself for that. Perhaps I’m projecting my emotional disorder(s) on the situation as I’m sure I’m not exhibiting “courtship displays” or proper “body signals”.  In any case, I decided that the most important aspect of a relationship is a friend.  In hindsight, I know that the dick face I dated last I would have never dated if I had gotten to know him better first, only lust fueled that relationship and it’s time for something more.

This time around I’ve only met five people. Mostly creative type which is nice, it has actually fuel my creativity with photography.  In this process the “hopeless romantic” returned temporarily as I thought about how cool it would be to actually be in a relationship with a creative person. Yes, someone to collaborate with. I would want “us” to be the next Charles and Ray Eames, Diego and Frida, The Vogals, Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe,… ok maybe not Patti and Robert but you get the idea.  Ultimately, what I’m getting at is mutual support, admiration, dedication, love. However, these essential ideas need to be found in any type of relationship for it to be successful.  Defining successful is hard as it’s not just about marriage, it’s the commitment to one another. Uh oh, time to pack away these ideas of the hopeless romantic...if I keep going this is going to turn into a Sandra Bullock movie. Gross.

I could take this further and go into detail about each of the people I’ve met, give you the dirt and the unforgettable stories I have in my brain. That was my original intent with this second part of the essay, I’m sure that I could have sold the stories as a screenplay. However, there is no need for that.

My subscription has ended and I have no plans of rejoining anytime soon. I’ve met some interesting people this time around. Some I would like to get to know better than others and some I think I will be great friends with.  I feel, actually I know, I’m being very passive with these people. Passive about the whole situation I guess. This probably isn’t the best approach to meeting people that are potentially looking for a relationship but I’m sure when I meet “that” person, you know, the one that makes your heart sing, makes you turn red, gives you the proverbial butterflies, perhaps then my cynical voice-in-head will be silenced. Or maybe I’m just destined to be a spinster… If that’s the case, then bring on the Gin & Tonics!